Give them wings

While sitting here , I'm wondering how things would've turned out if i had folled my heart like people always claim . This time last year i had everything figured out , i thought i knew exactly which step I'd take but little did i know. When i was doing my matric , i was just the smart girl with no direction whatsoever . i didn't even know that I could write or find pleasure in it so i was still sceptical on what i want to do. "kanjani ukuthi ufuna-matric ungazazi ufunani ? awukho-serious" my parents would constantly remind me . A year later remember reading Tembeka Ngcukaitobi's book titled The land is ours and i knew i had found what I'd been looking for . Reading about Alfred Mangena the first black attorney to be admitted to practice , Mam'uCharlotte Maxeke , Anton Lembede . that book opened up my eyes and i can say in away it did change my life . i felt my change gain new meaning with each word on the paper "What do you want to study this time around?" my mother one day asked . i had changed my answer so many times i did not blame them but after shooting me down so many time when i said i wanted to do journalism i kept quiet . This one time i didn't want anyone to apply for me , i was going to apply for myself . i didn't want mistakes . i applied at NMMU , ensuring that it's far from home . "LLB" i confidently chose the option with nothing but a smile on my face as i knew i met all the requirements. My sister was also helping me apply at other universities but i knew, i had stubbornly decided on Port Elizabeth to study my new found love and i wasn't about to change it for anything and anyone . "Uyofundaphi?" my mother asked . registration at NMMU was about to start and i was already getting messages of the varsity reminding me after my application being accepted . "NMMU" i said , confidently so . It took her a minute to figure out that NMMU is in Port Elizabeth. Her eyes popped and a frown formed on her face and i knew then that me ans her didn't share the same vision ."PE?" she asked . i kept quiet because i already knew where her mind's at on this . "kukude lapho" she said and left me in the kitchen to a pile of my own thoughts. what does that mean? I was waiting for her to ask me what i was going to study . This one time i wanted her to ask me but the question never came instead i walked into her on my phone with my sister looking through options of where i can study , anywhere other than PE . it's after my sister said "she was accepted at CUT for Somatology" i threw the Charlotte Maxeke dream into the deepest pits. My only sin was saying i knew what Somatology was and a decision was made. For the first time in my life i was conflicted , do i bend and study something i didn't like or stick to my decision and probably spend another year at home since i hadn't applied for NSFAS ? A year later i bump into The land is ours (the book) and I'm reminded of what could've been , the dream that was out of reach in all senses of the words. I'm not placing my mother in the wrong , i can never but I was hoping that i could've made that decision by myself about my life , i was hoping she'd believen in me enough to give me wings to fly above the bad i was to come across but i never did. I don't know why i just overshared but I'm hoping someone bumps into this and actually relates , I'm hoping a girl doing Matric reads and has courage own up to her decions not cower like i did, I'm hoping a mother/father sees this and gives his/her child wings to rise above anything .